Okay, so people keep asking me what’s the deal with the weird butt-thing-in-the-sky and grass picture? Well, I was busy as hell yesterday, but(t) I so excited I had to put it up as quick as possible. I had just come from a meeting with Ernie, my lawyer, and I was thinking about my Butt sites and products and stuff, when I ran into this cute little geezer squeezer, Suzette. Suzette has this great looking purple hair, so of course, I call her Grape. Well, it turns out that Grape is like a WEB DESIGNER and knows photoshop and stuff, and when I told her how Ernie said I have to have a logo for ButtCloud, which is my cloud service where we store all the butt pictures and all kinds of private stuff that people are stupid enough to post on Facebutt (or Buttbook). So anyway, Grape said she’s be happy to make a ButtCloud logo for me, so anyway, that was it! Cool, huh? Who knows, maybe I’ll get lucky!
Hey! So this is a picture of me and my buddy Schooner (I call him Schooney a lot). Schooney is my kinda tech guru who helps me out with computer problems and stuff. Well, Schooner used to work for Apple, so he knows about venture capitalists and all, so I thought I’d get his advice and unfortunately he said it could be kind of tricky since they don’t just exactly give you money, but he also said since I have such good ideas like FaceButt and the ButtPhone and ButtCloud, it will probably work out. Schooney said I have to be kind of patient which is not always so easy for me.
Okay, so in addition to sending in pictures of their bohunkus, everybody on Facebutt (or Buttbook) will have this cool nickname. I’ve been talking to my lawyer and Schooner, of course, since he’s an expert on this stuff, and they told me to round up all the mondo boss nicknames for myself, then when the losers - you know the ones with saggy or fat butts - want to get more status, they’ll have to BUY THE COOL NICKNAMES FROM ME! I’M GONNA BE RICH! Here’s a few of the ones I already claimed.
WHOA EVERYBODY! Okay, I guess I need to apologize for posting that piece of Buttbook/Facebutt stock yesterday. I mean, I just wanted to keep everyone up to date in terms of what’s happening, but now PEOPLE WANT TO SEND ME MONEY! Hey, okay, great idea, but we’re a little premature here. I mean it will happen soon enough and of course, ALL MY FOLLOWERS WILL HAVE AN INSIDE TRACK ON THE BIG BUCKS!!! But meanwhile, just hold on, okay? Sheesh! (meanwhile, I have to get back to my lawyer)
(Just to get things started - THE FIRST ONE!)
Okay, so here’s the deal. Everybody will send in pictures of their, you know, and then everyone will vote on which ones are the best and we’ll create like a kind of pecking order (so to speak) according to who has the best butt. And of course there will be ways to increase your status by buying special Booty Points from me and stuff like that. I haven’t got it all figured out yet, but I’m working on it. THIS IS GONNA BE HUGE!
(Randy photo by Josh Keppel - it’s hires, too, in case you want to look REALLY CLOSE!)
Okay everybody! This is it - my big idea! The only problem is I can’t decide which one to go for - Buttbook or Facebutt, but it doesn’t matter. I’m gonna be rich either way. Who knows, maybe I’ll do both. I have an appointment with my lawyer next week and he’ll work out the details. Also my buddy Schooner used to work for Apple, so he knows all about venture capitalists and stuff like that. I can see those armored trucks lining up around the block now!