So after the show in Nantes, we had like a half a day off before everybody took off for Paris and Holland and left me in Brittany to do whatever it is I’m doing here. And it seems that the BIG ATTRACTION in Nantes is this robot elephant - no shit! This thing is HUGE! I mean those are people on it. Of course there’s not actually any weight on the feet - it’s really a kind of platform on wheels with a wooden elephant built around it, but it’s still pretty cool. I mean, they could take this thing to Disneyland and give it a catchy name like DUMBOBOT or ROBOJUMBO and make a million bucks off of it, but it’s stuck in Nantes, which is someplace no one ever heard of. I couldn’t even find a T-Shirt or a refrigerator magnet of it. What a bunch of losers.
Okay, so then we went to Nantes, which is really why we were here to begin with. There’s this cool place in Nantes called Le Lieu Unique, which used to be a biscuit factory or something. Anyway, the ex-biscuit bakers made us a swell offer to come play there about a year ago and it sounded like such a major boss deal, we decided to speed up our schedule and do a new show for it, which is Shadowland. Good plan, Stan! So this mini-tour ended in Nantes which left me in Brittany - Britagne, as they say over here - hanging out with ol’ Agnes, who has told me several times that she is at least 18.
So then the show was over and we went back to the hotel which was all about the Jewish religion and not like an American hotel at all, but still, it was pretty cool. I guess if an American hotel had this religious stuff all over the place, it would feel all creepy and Republican but in Tel Aviv, it just felt sincere. LIke they really cared and it wasn’t just to gain power and intimidate people. Oh well, we all went up to the roof of the religious hotel and had a beer. This is Hein and Martin. I don’t think they saw Moses up there or anything - he was down by the door.
Oh yeah… so before they took us to the Barby, they stopped at this humus place so we could get the best humus in Tel Aviv. Hey! For those of you who don’t know, humus is like ground up GARBANZO BEANS!!! No shit… but still, it’s pretty good, maybe the best in Tel Aviv for all I know. But… across the street from the humus joint was THIS SPOT!… right on the wall. Okay, I may not know humus from dick, but I know spots and this was ONE COOL SPOT… is all I’m saying and stuff.
And on the wall right next to the entrance to Barby was this graffiti. Pretty cool, huh? I mean this is the kind of shit they should have at the Museum of Modern Art instead that overrated Andy Warhol and Thomas Kinkade crap! Jeez! I may not know much about art, but I know what the cool stuff is.
Okay, so this was the entrance to the club where we played in Tel Aviv. NO SHIT! I mean it looked to me like the entrance to a garage where you get your car fixed… and guess what? A little later we found out IT IS THE ENTRANCE TO A CAR REPAIR SHOP, as well as the entrance to the club, which I think was called Barby, but I don’t think it had anything to do with Barbra Streisand. But anyway, the place was like SOLD OUT with all these people saying that they had been waiting 25 years for The Residents to come back to Tel Aviv. Way cool…
Hey Everybody! Back again! So we played somewhere else in Switzerland which I don’t remember so good, and then we went to Tel Aviv, which is pretty much full of Jews. Now hey! I don’t have any problems with the Jews like some people which I personally never understood. Okay, I have a problem with Barbra Streisand, but that’s because she’s so boring and pretentious. I mean she’s no Aretha Franklin, but then Aretha’s a blob, tubbing out on her reputation these days, so what the fuck. Anyway, I see the Jews as pretty much smart and artistic which are things that mean a lot to me, so what’s the problem? Sometimes life poses these peculiar kind of questions that don’t seem to have very good answers, but basically, it seems to me like you can’t have enough smart and artistic people in the world even it they are Barbra Streisand. Doesn’t that make sense? Oh well…
And speaking of Liberace… was he THE FUCKING GREATEST or what? Awesome dude!!! AWSOME!!! I mean I am DYING to play Liberace! Okay, so that weasel Michael Douglas beat me to it, but SO WHAT! My version of Liberace could fucking KICK BUTT on that wimp… LEMME AT HIM! Where’s my candelabra?